Too often I’m racked with guilt about food waste. I hate throwing anything away. Even if it means making weird stir fries with 87 types of vegetables in them. So, in anticipation of N and I going on holiday soon, I’ve been preoccupied with using everything up in the fridge that could go off. Which means that today I was seized with a particular kind of kitchen madness: the quest to use an incongruous mix of ingredients in cack-handed quantities, knowing full well that it didn’t look edible, resulting in a spectacular fail. I know most food blogs are mainly all about gorgeous recipes, but I think it’s just as fun to talk about the total rubbish that I cook up on a fairly regular basis.
My thinking was thus: I somehow thought I could use up the annoying beetroots that had been lurking in the fridge for weeks and make savoury muffins out of them, incorporating the odds and ends of the Xmas cheeses that we’d failed to eat, some rosemary that was almost on the turn and some old pumpkin seeds that had been unearthed in the cupboard. I’d made savoury muffins before. It was snowing heavily outside and I felt all cosy and resourceful, like some kind of 1950’s ‘make do and mend’ Stepford housewife. Hah – I just had a mountain of beetroot to get through. I was determined to use ALL of it. I made a mixture of grated raw beetroot, grated cheese, eggs, oil, flour and seasoning, knowing in the pit of my stomach that the mixture was looking wrong – and so red! – and that the resulting florid goo would never rise, but soldiered on anyway. It was as though I was incapable of stopping.
The horror, the horror:
Crispy tendrils of beetroot on the outside, solid cheesy clag on the inside. Texture of rubber. Weird flavour of sweet pizza. I now have about 24 of the buggers to find a home for. Anyone got a hungry piglet or horse at home? I can’t throw ’em away…